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Transcript:Good Ol' Buzz
Act One: : Camera pans down a shot of space filled with rising smoke, and reveals the smoke is pouring from a gaping blast hole in a freighter. : Cut to freighter interior, where several frightened passengers are holding their hands in the air while Torque points four blasters (one in each hand) at them. TORQUE: Okay people, you know the drill: You don't move, I don't shoot. Nice and simple, baby. TORQUE CLONE #1: Yo, Torque, how about a little self-help over here? : Two clones are trying to carry a box of cargo, but are struggling under its weight. TORQUE: You got it, sweetheart! : He holsters one of the guns and uses his free hand to press the cloning device on his chest. In a flash of light, three more clones appear beside the two lifting the crate. The new clones lend their assistance, and they're able to carry away the cargo with ease. TORQUE CLONE #1: Dynamite, Torquey! TORQUE: Looks like we're going to make our early tee off time at the club! (Suddenly, the sound of metal being torn apart gets his attention) Ahh! : Part of the ceiling is torn open by Booster, who jumps through the hole while his team stands behind him. BUZZ: (Jumping through the hole, closely followed by his team) The only thing you're going to make, Torque, is a court date. : He slides down a stack of boxes and leaps forward, pushing away the box the clones were carrying. '' : ''As Mira falls through the air, she ghosts through a stack of boxes and does a somersault, knocking one of the clones' guns away. She then lands on the ground and lets out a yell as she kicks the clone across the room. The clone is thrown past Booster, who is using a blaster to pin another clone against his chest. '' '''BOOSTER:' You really should have a permit for this weapon. : He releases him, which sends him flying forward, and he crashes into the floor. : Another clone charges at XR with his arms outstretched, but the robot activates an airbag from his chest, and the clone is deflected backwards into a pile of cargo which falls onto his head. XR: You know, ironically, I lobbied AGAINST airbags. : Torque looks around in terror, seeing all his clones have been taken out, and tries to run away, but Buzz grabs his arms and slams him into the wall. BUZZ: What's your hurry, Torque? : Shaking his head as he recovers from the impact, Torque smiles deviously. TORQUE: Love to stay, Buzzinsky. (Activates his cloning device, causing a clone to split off and take his place while he runs away) But I see you got your hands full! (Laughs) : Buzz struggles with the clone, while Torque runs away, laughing with glee. Suddenly, a circle of light appears, and an old man in a Ranger suit, flying with his arm (on which he is wearing a strange watch) outstretched, comes out. OLD MAN: To infinity and beyond! : He crashes into Torque, and they go tumbling across the floor, eventually ending up at Buzz's feet. '' '''TORQUE:' Ouch, baby. (His face drops against the floor) : Buzz carefully picks up the old man - who is a bit dazed - and salutes. BUZZ: '''Good work, Ranger. You've just captured the Torque armada, the multiplyingest scum in the quadrant. '''OLD MAN: (Rubbing his chin) Just captured Torque...? Oh, yeah, I remember that! (Suddenly, he sees something offscreen) Mira! (He rushes forward and wraps his arms around Mira's waist) I'm not too late! MIRA: 'Oh, yes... ''(She pushes him away) W-well, you seem very n-nice, Sir, but - but I-I'm... uh... real quick, who are you? : Buzz approaches them and studies the old man curiously. '''BUZZ: I don't believe we've met, Ranger. What outfit are you with? OLD MAN: (Putting his hands on his hips) Can't you even recognize your own face? (He straightens his back and stands before them proudly) Why, I'm Buzz... Lightyear! : Scene changes to Science Bay. : Commander Nebula, Buzz, and some LGMs are gathered in the Science Bay, where the old man is being carried through the air by a giant claw. It moves to the center of the room and drops him on the floor. '' : ''One of the LGMs, who has been reading a screen, turns to the group. LGM #1: No ifs, ands, or buts. : Another LGM holds up a folder. LGM #2: That is Buzz Lightyear. : Nebula takes the folder and studies the report it contains. His face grows shocked. NEBULA: And he's a hundred and fifty years old?! : The old Buzz waves his arms indignantly. OLD BUZZ: 'Scuse me, a hundred and forty! (He folds his arms) I'm a hundred and forty years old. (Suddenly, he grows thoughtful) Nope, wait a minute... Oh, you're right, I'm a hundred and fifty. BUZZ: How can HE possibly be me? OLD BUZZ: Simple. I travelled to this era with my time watch. (He holds up his right arm, which has a strange watch on it with a clock and various other gizmos). I laboured for decades to create it. BUZZ: (Rolls his eyes and folds his arms) Time watch. Tell me another one, Gramps. OLD BUZZ: Can't believe how stubborn I used to be. Okay, here's your demonstration, smart guy. (He presses a button on the watch) '' : ''A hand suddenly taps Buzz on the shoulder, and he looks around to find there is another old Buzz standing behind him. '' '''OLD BUZZ #2:' See! OLD BUZZ: ''(Entering something into his watch)'' I'll send myself back in time a couple of seconds. : He disappears. Meanwhile, young Buzz is looking befuddled by everything. The remaining old Buzz marches across the room and looks at him smugly. BUZZ: Hmm... So, if you are me, then, uh, why have I... (Shakes head) I mean YOU, come back? OLD BUZZ: (Hangs his head and shakes it gravely) Boys, there's a terrible disaster on your horizon. : Buzz and Nebula look at him curiously. '' : ''Scene cuts to recreation room. : XR is shaking, kicking, and punching a candy vending machine. XR: I. Gave. You. The. Money! Now give me my creamy nougat, you huckster! (He attacks it wildly) Argh! : Camera moves to Mira and Booster, who are sitting at a table. Mira appears bored and Booster is trying to figure out a maze in an activity book. He pauses in deep thought for a moment, then brings the pencil down on the paper again. Suddenly, they are all interrupted by the sound of Buzz's voice coming over the intercom. BUZZ: Rangers Booster and XR, report to the briefing room. : Mira begins to rise from her seat. BUZZ: Ranger Mira Nova, no need to report. You just keep doing what you're doing. MIRA: '''Hey, what gives? Why am I being left out? '''XR: Oh, Mira, Mira, Mira. Life is not a conspiracy against YOU, you know. You can't get so worked up over every little thing. Hold on one second. (He starts attacking the vending machine again, then turns back to Mira) Get my point? : Booster walks over and puts his hands on Mira's chair. BOOSTER: I'm sure there's nothing to fret about. : He and XR walk out, leaving an annoyed Mira alone in the recreation room. : Scene cuts to the Briefing Room. : Old Buzz looks at everyone gravely. OLD BUZZ: Today, Princess Mira Nova will die. BOOSTER: (Gasps in horror) Oh gosh, not Mira! (He puts his face in his hands) XR: (Shakes his head) Oh, Mira! This is tragic, this is terrible. (He leans across the table) How do I do? BUZZ: (Puts his hand on old Buzz's back) Not to worry, Rangers. My elder self has come back from the future to give us step-by-step, detailed information as to how we can avoid this tragedy. : Old Buzz's eyes grow wide and he looks less confident than his younger self. OLD BUZZ: Yeah, about that... Uh, well, see, uh... (He rubs his chin) Some of the details are a little... sketchy. NEBULA: Well, just tell us what you do remember, Grampa. OLD BUZZ: Well, there was this, uh... uh... I was, uh... See, uh... See uh... (He brings his fist down on the table) Aw, craters! I can't remember. BUZZ: You can't remember?! OLD BUZZ: Well, it happened a long time ago, and this blasted time travel makes Swiss cheese of my brain. BOOSTER: Can't you remember anything? OLD BUZZ: Well, we were on patrol, and... uh... XR: And? OLD BUZZ: And nothing! That's it. That's all I remember. : Nebula walks up to the two Buzzes. NEBULA: Alright, uh, Buzz... : Both Buzzes spring to their feet and salute. BUZZES: Yes, Sir! NEBULA: YOUNG Buzz - the one with the gleam of hope in his eye! (Old Buzz reluctantly drops back into his seat) It seems like if Mira stays on Star Command, she'll be safe, right? BUZZ: Right - as long as SOMEONE is remembering THAT correctly. NEBULA: So you take this geiser on patrol, find this danger, AND KICK IT TO KINGDOM COME! : The Buzzes stand and salute again. '' '''BUZZES:' Yes, Sir! OLD BUZZ: Uh... What was that about taking a freezer on patrol? : Scene changes to the Launch Bay. : 42 is preparing to launch, and Booster is talking to Mira on the platform leading to the landing pad. '' '''BOOSTER:' (Tears in his eyes) Mira, don't you worry about a thing. You just take extra special care of YOU (he puts his hands on her shoulders), okay? : He lets out a wail and hugs her, then runs away in tears. : Mira puts her hands on her hips and turns to face XR. MIRA: XR, what is going on? XR: Absolutely nothing! He's crazy! Oh, one last thing... (A hole opens in his chest and he shoots a pen out of it and into his hand, then pulls out some paper as well) I took the liberty of purchasing a life insurance policy on your behalf. (He extends the file to Mira, who takes it and begins reading) You can't be too careful these days, especially in our business. (He holds out the pen) Anywho, if you can just initial the box that makes me your sole beneficiary... : He is suddenly interrupted by old Buzz, who rushes past and grabs XR's arm, dragging him along. OLD BUZZ: Roll call, robot! : While Mira stands in surprise, still holding the life insurance policy and looking bewildered, Nebula and Buzz stride up to her. MIRA: Buzz, why can't I go on this assignment? : Buzz and Nebula exchange a glance, not knowing how to respond. Nebula suddenly comes up with something, and Buzz tries to smile convincingly. NEBULA: Um, special mission parameters. (He puts his hand on her shoulder) Guys only. MIRA: (Removes his hand in annoyance) Okay, guys, bad news - this isn't a tree house. (She puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head) You can't keep me out. It is unlawful to base a mission qualification on gender. BUZZ: (Realises he needs to come up with something else) Well... we, uh... have to fly... naked. NEBULA: (Seems a little surprised at Buzz's choice of excuse but goes with it) Ayup. Naked as jaybirds. But good news, Mira - you're immediately assigned to Mission Control. MIRA: Sir? NEBULA: We're a little short-handed over there. : Scene cuts to Mission Control. : LGMs are hard at work at their stations, directing Star Cruisers and monitoring communications. '' '''LGM:' (Over the intercom) Star Cruiser 42, you are clear to launch. : Mira and Nebula survey the scene, and Mira looks annoyed. MIRA: I thought you were short-handed. : Nebula winces and tries to look sincere. NEBULA: We are! (He glances over his shoulder at an LGM manning a station) Beat it! (He grabs the LGM and tosses it away, then gestures to the empty chair) See, have a seat. : Mira tentatively sits down. '' : ''The LGM in the seat beside her turns to greet her. LGM: Nice to have you with us, Booster. MIRA: Um... I'm Mira. LGM: Really? : The LGM on the other side of her looks over. '' '''LGM #2:' All you Rangers look alike. : Scence changes to space. : 42 flies past the camera. : Cut to Bridge. : Buzz, Booster, and XR are all at their usual stations, and old Buzz is occupying Mira's seat. '' '''OLD BUZZ:' Well, it's been a long time since I was one of these. (Glances at young Buzz) 'course I used to... sit where... you're, uh... BUZZ: You can't sit in my chair. OLD BUZZ: Craters. BUZZ: (Sighs) So, this danger that we're looking for, do you remember ANYTHING about it? OLD BUZZ: (Taps his chin) Well, as I recall, it was kinda... (Stretches out his hands in a circular shape) Round. BUZZ: (Raises an eyebrow) Round? OLD BUZZ: Well, not so much round, really, as, uh, oblong.'' (He compresses his fingers to make the circular shape more oblong)'' Oblongish, uh, anyway. BUZZ: Okay. So beside the general shape of the danger, do you remember anything else, like... where it was? : Suddenly, the ship begins shaking violently. '' '''OLD BUZZ:' Hmm, could be right here. : Cut to outside 42 : A strange ship has come up from behind and is firing on them. It shoots out two cables with claws on the end, which attach themselves to 42, and brings the Cruiser to a stop. : Cut to inside 42. : Buzz leaps from his chair and points to Booster. '' '''BUZZ:' Booster, fire full thrusters! There's no way they're boarding this ship! : He barely finishes this sentence before three armed Tangean guards ghost through, scaring Booster and XR away from their stations. '' '''ALL THREE GUARDS:' Nobody move! : Lord Angstrom ghosts through, waving his arms in the air as he makes his entrance. ANGSTROM: Hello, everyone! (He takes out two guns and points them at Team Lightyear) I think you know how this is done. Hands up in the air. : Team Lightyear promptly complies. BUZZ: Lord Angstrom, of course! The sworn enemy of the Tangean royal family. He's the one that attacks Mira! (Looking down at his older counterpart) Oblongish? In what way is this OBLONGISH? OLD BUZZ: (Thoughtful) Hmm, I know what you mean. This doesn't seem right. (He shakes his head) I don't think this is the big danger. BUZZ: (Leans over) OF COURSE IT'S THE BIG DANGER! Lord Angstrom boarded us, executed Mira, and that's how she died! OLD BUZZ: Nope, that's not it. : Angstrom and the guards stare at them in confusion. OLD BUZZ: (Scratches his head) Now, I kind of remember this business with Lord Angstrom, but we defeated him rather handily. (Holds out his hands in a placatory manner) No offense, Lord Angstrom. ANGSTROM: ''(Baffled)'' None taken. (Leans forward and whispers to Buzz) Who's the duffer? BUZZ: Never mind him, he's out of his mind. (Twirls his finger around the side of his head) He thinks he's me. OLD BUZZ: I am him! BUZZ: Are not. OLD BUZZ: Are too! BUZZ: '''You wish! '''OLD BUZZ: YOU wish! BUZZ: 'Are you insane? '''OLD BUZZ: '''I ain't, but you are. : ''Most of this conversation happens in the background. Meanwhile, XR conspires with Booster. '''XR: (Whispers) What do you say we take out some terrorists? BOOSTER: (Smiles and nods) Yeah, okay. : He grabs the leg of one of the guards and tosses him at Angstrom and the other two guards, causing them all to collapse in a heap. XR and Booster rush over, and XR has grabbed one of Angstrom's guns, which he dropped when the guard hit him. XR: (Points gun at them) Okay, drop it! : The scene changes to space, now some time later. : A fleet of Star Cruisers have arrived to pick up the Tangean terrorists, and are surrounding 42 and the Tangean ship. : Cut to Star Cruiser hallway. : Coporal stands by a door, keeping watch as Angstrom and the guards are led away in handcuffs by Flarn and another Ranger. : Scene changes to 42's bridge. BUZZ: Well, I guess that wraps up this mission. Let's go get Mira. OLD BUZZ: ''(Wags his finger at him)'' You are as thick as a moon, you know that? Now, I told you this wasn't the danger - it's still out there somewhere! BUZZ: ''(Folds his arms skeptically)'' But you still can't remember what the danger IS, right? OLD BUZZ: Now you're catching on! : Scene changes to space. : 42 is continuing its patrol. They approach a dark, swirling vortex. : Cut to Bridge. BOOSTER: (Reads his screen) Black hole ahead! OLD BUZZ: (Leans forward excitedly) That's it! That's the danger, I'm sure of it! BUZZ: Okay... Uh, going code red. : He presses a button, and the ship goes to red alert. A red light flashes on the bridge. : Cut to space. : 42 flies towards the black hole. : Cut back to Bridge. : Dramatic music plays as the shot shifts from one character to another as each one stares intently at the black hole in front of them. '' : ''As they fly deeper into the vortex, Buzz and XR exchange a glance, both wondering why nothing dangerous has happened. '' '''OLD BUZZ:' Well, yeah, 'kay, uh, maybe it wasn't here. Uh... Let's go on. : Buzz puts his hand over his face in exasperation. : Scene changes to later. 42 is flying through an asteroid field. : Cut to Bridge. OLD BUZZ: It's all coming back to me now! This is the danger place, alright! : XR and Booster exchange a nervous glance. Buzz merely sits in his chair with his head propped up on his hand, looking skeptical. : Scene changes to later. 42 is now approaching a nebula. : Cut to Bridge. OLD BUZZ: (Points excitedly) It's there! It's there, or my name isn't Buzz Lightyear! : Buzz lowers the newspaper he's been reading and glances at his older self. '' '''BUZZ:' It's just a big ball of hot gas. (He raises the paper to his face again) Not unlike SOMEONE around here. : Scene changes to Mission Control. : Mira is sitting at her station, looking very bored. VOICE OVER THE COMM: Star Cruiser 16, citation given for improper registration, continuing on to Bathyos. MIRA: (Sighs and presses a button on her screen) Acknowledged, 16. (Mutters to herself) "You're just a girl." I'm surprised I don't have to do their laundry and bake cookies for them. : Scene changes to space. : 42 flies past the camera. OLD BUZZ: (Voice over) Oh, Booster, I was very proud of how you turned out. : Cut to Bridge. OLD BUZZ: You'll have a fine, distinguished career. BOOSTER: (Does a thumbs up) Cool! : XR scoots over to old Buzz. '' '''XR:' So, Buzzer, let's talk finances. For instance, how do Rhizomian tech stocks do in the future? Just to pick a topic. OLD BUZZ: Hmm, pretty good as I recall. : XR pulls a vidphone out of his chest and makes a call. XR: Hello, Marty? XR. Look, buy a thousand shares in Rhizome tech, ASAP. OLD BUZZ: (Rubs his chin) Or did those go straight into the zero-grav toilet? (Shakes his head) Can't quite remember. XR: (Into the phone) No, don't buy! Sell! Sell them all! BUZZ: (Grabs XR's phone away from him) Oh, forget about it, XR. This old blowhard hasn't remembered anything right. OLD BUZZ: (To XR and Booster) Ignore him, boys. I used to get cranky when I wasn't the center of attention. BUZZ: (Folds his arms in indignation) Oh! That is so not true. OLD BUZZ: It is, and you do. BUZZ: Well, as soon as we clear this dead planetoid (a barren planetoid can be seen through the windscreen) our patrol will be finished, and everyone - INCLUDING Mira - is just fine. OLD BUZZ: Really? Hmm, I wonder if I got the right day. BUZZ: (Leans over) And I wonder if you're just a pathetic old man who desperately wants to revisit his golden years! OLD BUZZ: Oh, don't be a wormhole. : Scene changes to planetoid. : 42 descends through the planetoid's atmosphere and flies across the surface. The landscape is barren and rocky, filled with steep brown cliffs and stacks of rocks. '' : ''While they are cruising along, the rocks on the ground beneath them crack and are pushed up, indicating something is tunnelling just below the surface. '' : ''Suddenly, a giant eel-like creature bursts through the rocks and grabs the Star Cruiser in its mouth. It begins shaking 42, flinging everyone in the cockpit from side to side. The hull is broken open, and old Buzz points through the gaping hole at the creature. OLD BUZZ: There! There! That's it! The maw! That's the danger! : Cut to outside. The maw continues shaking and crunching the ship. : Cut to Bridge. BOOSTER: The maw is going to destroy the ship! : Buzz is now out of his chair, and helps his elder self to his feet. OLD BUZZ: No danger, eh, smart guy? BUZZ: XR, send a priority one distress call! Everyone, get to the launch tubes! : Scene changes to Mission Control. '' : ''Mira's screen begins to flash red, but she's become so bored and lethargic that she doesn't notice at first. COMPUTER VOICE: This is an automated priority one distress call. BUZZ'S VOICE: Uh, Star Cruiser 42, Star Cruiser 42... COMPUTER VOICE: ...needs immediate assistance. Thank you. MIRA: (Finally notices the message and leaps to her feet) 42's in danger! : One of the LGMs waves to her as she leaves. LGM: Later, Booster! : Scene changes to planetoid. : The maw is still crushing the ship in its mouth; however, the launch tubes are still intact, and the team manages to eject and fly away. Once they are at a safe distance, they stop and turn around. BUZZ: Get that thing away from the ship! : They begin firing on the maw with their lasers, and it drops 42 but goes after them instead. '' : ''The team quickly flies away, closely followed by the maw. BUZZ: (Points down) Down! We'll lose it in the canyons! : They jet down into a canyon, taking twists and turns in an attempt to shake off the maw, but it continues to pursue them. '' '''OLD BUZZ:' (Points) Break left, into that crack. : They fly into a small crack in the side of the canyon, and the maw goes past without noticing them. '' '''BOOSTER:' What do we do now? BUZZ: We wait for Star Command to respond to our distress call. OLD BUZZ: Don't worry, Team. Mira was the only Ranger we lost on this mission, and she's nowhere near here. : Cut to space. : A shuttle is approaching the planetoid, piloted by Mira. MIRA: Mira Nova to Buzz Lightyear, I am here to assist you. : Cut back to Team Lightyear. OLD BUZZ: (Horrified) Oh no! : Cut to view of the sky. : Mira's shuttle comes down towards the surface, but like the Star Cruiser, it is instantly attacked by the maw, which grabs the vessel in its jaws and begins crushing it. : Cut back to Team Lightyear. OLD BUZZ: (Activates his jetpack) Come on! : He and Buzz fly to Mira, who has escaped from the ship and is hovering in the air. MIRA: Hey, you're not naked! BUZZ: Let's get you out of here. : Suddenly, a shadow passes over them, and they gape in horror as the maw rushes forward and swallows them. '' '''BOOSTER:' (Gasps) Oh no! It got Buzz and Mira... and Buzz! Act Two Category:Transcripts